I showed him my bush... on skype.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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