This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
