If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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