wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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