Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
