I heard we made out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me I should be a condom model.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
