How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
