Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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