You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
