I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
