Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
