The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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