I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
