Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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