Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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