her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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