I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
