I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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