M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
