Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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