Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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