good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
