Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
