Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
