I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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