I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Alive.
So much puke
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
