With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
