i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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