I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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