I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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