I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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