She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
