Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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