he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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