we're blogging at a bar
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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