did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
