theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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