Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
