Im at strip club and am horny
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
