Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
