He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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