It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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