White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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