Christians are straight up FREAKS
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
