Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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