This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
