I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
