Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
