my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
