i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
