Got a toothbrush?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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