a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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