Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
