i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
