Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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