he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
