Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I want a musical about memes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
